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( when you're young, things don't make sense in the ways they do when you're older. something said in the heat of the moment could mean something entirely different. something that you think might be one thing is really another. something could just appear on your skin one night that matches with a mark that shows up on your best friend and it makes no sense, but the two of you think it's super cool. it's something that doesn't make a lot of sense in all the ways it should, but it's something neat, anyway.
ace remembers when that mark showed up on the inside of his left wrist. a little spade he recognized immediately and figured that was just a sign from someone somewhere that he is going to be a pirate and his band of merry men will be the spade pirates. it all makes such clear sense. and it's even better when he finds out sabo has the same mark on him! that just means they're going to be together on the open seas, so ace believes.
and, yet, just around the corner is some sort of misery and despair that ace wasn't ready for. sabo is there and then suddenly he isn't. there's a pain in ace's chest that he's never felt before and he doesn't understand it, that deep, deep ache that can't be explained. it's heart-rending. for a long time he thinks this is how grief is, this thing that makes a home inside of his heart that he'll never get over, that he carries with him each day and becomes a part of him. that it's so deep, so untouchable, that even though he learns to live with it, it's still something that he wields like a weapon, not allowing people to get too close to him. he's afraid of what might happen.
that's not to say he doesn't make connections, because he does. he grows and learns and experiences life. along the way he learns that the mark burned into his skin is the mark of a soulmate and he understands now why he felt the loss as if he'd lost a limb, as if a part of his very soul became missing. and, in essence, it really has. but, he can't give up on living and forges bonds, makes friends, fails at being a captain, then swears his loyalties to a captain that becomes like a father figure to him. it's been one of his life's greatest experiences, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish sabo was with him. that would only make things that much better.
and then there's luffy.
he's so proud of him and what he's become. he's no longer that annoying little kid he'd tried so desperately to get away from. he's grown up and has a fine crew of his own. he believes in luffy and wants him to succeed. it's why he's devastated when he and his crew show up at marineford. this is ace's problem, one he never should've gotten into and if he could do things differently, he would. like end blackbeard before he had the chance to gain power. or, at the very least, he shouldn't have gone up against him solo. he should've had some sort of back-up in place.
as ace is shackled there, he thinks back about things and feels like it's really unfair. this isn't how he wanted his life to end, there's so much more he wanted to see, wanted to do. there's so much more he wanted to do for whitebeard. there's so much more he wanted to talk about with luffy. he promised yamato that he'd be back for them.
and now? everything's getting cut short.
everything's happening all at once and ace can feel the cold hand of death even facing the heat of fire. how ironic, he thinks, to die this way. except, one second ace is kneeling for death and the next he's not and being tumbled out of the way by a smear of black and blue. he doesn't really know what's going on, just that it's loud and explosions are going off, there are clashes of metal against metal, and the last thing ace remembers for a while is seeing a pipe swing and crack sickeningly against a body just before he loses consciousness.
it's much later when he stirs and it's far quieter than things had been; it's dark and ace can't really tell where he is or what's going on. he feels heavy, his insides upset and churning. he blinks and rubs his eyes in a bid to focus more and he sees someone nearby. there's something so innate familiar about him to the point that ace is positive he actually died out there and this is some kind of weird afterlife where everything from the past is going to come back to haunt him. he clears his throat, sniffs, )
Uh...
( HELPFUL. )
ace remembers when that mark showed up on the inside of his left wrist. a little spade he recognized immediately and figured that was just a sign from someone somewhere that he is going to be a pirate and his band of merry men will be the spade pirates. it all makes such clear sense. and it's even better when he finds out sabo has the same mark on him! that just means they're going to be together on the open seas, so ace believes.
and, yet, just around the corner is some sort of misery and despair that ace wasn't ready for. sabo is there and then suddenly he isn't. there's a pain in ace's chest that he's never felt before and he doesn't understand it, that deep, deep ache that can't be explained. it's heart-rending. for a long time he thinks this is how grief is, this thing that makes a home inside of his heart that he'll never get over, that he carries with him each day and becomes a part of him. that it's so deep, so untouchable, that even though he learns to live with it, it's still something that he wields like a weapon, not allowing people to get too close to him. he's afraid of what might happen.
that's not to say he doesn't make connections, because he does. he grows and learns and experiences life. along the way he learns that the mark burned into his skin is the mark of a soulmate and he understands now why he felt the loss as if he'd lost a limb, as if a part of his very soul became missing. and, in essence, it really has. but, he can't give up on living and forges bonds, makes friends, fails at being a captain, then swears his loyalties to a captain that becomes like a father figure to him. it's been one of his life's greatest experiences, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish sabo was with him. that would only make things that much better.
and then there's luffy.
he's so proud of him and what he's become. he's no longer that annoying little kid he'd tried so desperately to get away from. he's grown up and has a fine crew of his own. he believes in luffy and wants him to succeed. it's why he's devastated when he and his crew show up at marineford. this is ace's problem, one he never should've gotten into and if he could do things differently, he would. like end blackbeard before he had the chance to gain power. or, at the very least, he shouldn't have gone up against him solo. he should've had some sort of back-up in place.
as ace is shackled there, he thinks back about things and feels like it's really unfair. this isn't how he wanted his life to end, there's so much more he wanted to see, wanted to do. there's so much more he wanted to do for whitebeard. there's so much more he wanted to talk about with luffy. he promised yamato that he'd be back for them.
and now? everything's getting cut short.
everything's happening all at once and ace can feel the cold hand of death even facing the heat of fire. how ironic, he thinks, to die this way. except, one second ace is kneeling for death and the next he's not and being tumbled out of the way by a smear of black and blue. he doesn't really know what's going on, just that it's loud and explosions are going off, there are clashes of metal against metal, and the last thing ace remembers for a while is seeing a pipe swing and crack sickeningly against a body just before he loses consciousness.
it's much later when he stirs and it's far quieter than things had been; it's dark and ace can't really tell where he is or what's going on. he feels heavy, his insides upset and churning. he blinks and rubs his eyes in a bid to focus more and he sees someone nearby. there's something so innate familiar about him to the point that ace is positive he actually died out there and this is some kind of weird afterlife where everything from the past is going to come back to haunt him. he clears his throat, sniffs, )
Uh...
( HELPFUL. )