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( when you're young, things don't make sense in the ways they do when you're older. something said in the heat of the moment could mean something entirely different. something that you think might be one thing is really another. something could just appear on your skin one night that matches with a mark that shows up on your best friend and it makes no sense, but the two of you think it's super cool. it's something that doesn't make a lot of sense in all the ways it should, but it's something neat, anyway.
ace remembers when that mark showed up on the inside of his left wrist. a little spade he recognized immediately and figured that was just a sign from someone somewhere that he is going to be a pirate and his band of merry men will be the spade pirates. it all makes such clear sense. and it's even better when he finds out sabo has the same mark on him! that just means they're going to be together on the open seas, so ace believes.
and, yet, just around the corner is some sort of misery and despair that ace wasn't ready for. sabo is there and then suddenly he isn't. there's a pain in ace's chest that he's never felt before and he doesn't understand it, that deep, deep ache that can't be explained. it's heart-rending. for a long time he thinks this is how grief is, this thing that makes a home inside of his heart that he'll never get over, that he carries with him each day and becomes a part of him. that it's so deep, so untouchable, that even though he learns to live with it, it's still something that he wields like a weapon, not allowing people to get too close to him. he's afraid of what might happen.
that's not to say he doesn't make connections, because he does. he grows and learns and experiences life. along the way he learns that the mark burned into his skin is the mark of a soulmate and he understands now why he felt the loss as if he'd lost a limb, as if a part of his very soul became missing. and, in essence, it really has. but, he can't give up on living and forges bonds, makes friends, fails at being a captain, then swears his loyalties to a captain that becomes like a father figure to him. it's been one of his life's greatest experiences, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish sabo was with him. that would only make things that much better.
and then there's luffy.
he's so proud of him and what he's become. he's no longer that annoying little kid he'd tried so desperately to get away from. he's grown up and has a fine crew of his own. he believes in luffy and wants him to succeed. it's why he's devastated when he and his crew show up at marineford. this is ace's problem, one he never should've gotten into and if he could do things differently, he would. like end blackbeard before he had the chance to gain power. or, at the very least, he shouldn't have gone up against him solo. he should've had some sort of back-up in place.
as ace is shackled there, he thinks back about things and feels like it's really unfair. this isn't how he wanted his life to end, there's so much more he wanted to see, wanted to do. there's so much more he wanted to do for whitebeard. there's so much more he wanted to talk about with luffy. he promised yamato that he'd be back for them.
and now? everything's getting cut short.
everything's happening all at once and ace can feel the cold hand of death even facing the heat of fire. how ironic, he thinks, to die this way. except, one second ace is kneeling for death and the next he's not and being tumbled out of the way by a smear of black and blue. he doesn't really know what's going on, just that it's loud and explosions are going off, there are clashes of metal against metal, and the last thing ace remembers for a while is seeing a pipe swing and crack sickeningly against a body just before he loses consciousness.
it's much later when he stirs and it's far quieter than things had been; it's dark and ace can't really tell where he is or what's going on. he feels heavy, his insides upset and churning. he blinks and rubs his eyes in a bid to focus more and he sees someone nearby. there's something so innate familiar about him to the point that ace is positive he actually died out there and this is some kind of weird afterlife where everything from the past is going to come back to haunt him. he clears his throat, sniffs, )
Uh...
( HELPFUL. )
ace remembers when that mark showed up on the inside of his left wrist. a little spade he recognized immediately and figured that was just a sign from someone somewhere that he is going to be a pirate and his band of merry men will be the spade pirates. it all makes such clear sense. and it's even better when he finds out sabo has the same mark on him! that just means they're going to be together on the open seas, so ace believes.
and, yet, just around the corner is some sort of misery and despair that ace wasn't ready for. sabo is there and then suddenly he isn't. there's a pain in ace's chest that he's never felt before and he doesn't understand it, that deep, deep ache that can't be explained. it's heart-rending. for a long time he thinks this is how grief is, this thing that makes a home inside of his heart that he'll never get over, that he carries with him each day and becomes a part of him. that it's so deep, so untouchable, that even though he learns to live with it, it's still something that he wields like a weapon, not allowing people to get too close to him. he's afraid of what might happen.
that's not to say he doesn't make connections, because he does. he grows and learns and experiences life. along the way he learns that the mark burned into his skin is the mark of a soulmate and he understands now why he felt the loss as if he'd lost a limb, as if a part of his very soul became missing. and, in essence, it really has. but, he can't give up on living and forges bonds, makes friends, fails at being a captain, then swears his loyalties to a captain that becomes like a father figure to him. it's been one of his life's greatest experiences, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't wish sabo was with him. that would only make things that much better.
and then there's luffy.
he's so proud of him and what he's become. he's no longer that annoying little kid he'd tried so desperately to get away from. he's grown up and has a fine crew of his own. he believes in luffy and wants him to succeed. it's why he's devastated when he and his crew show up at marineford. this is ace's problem, one he never should've gotten into and if he could do things differently, he would. like end blackbeard before he had the chance to gain power. or, at the very least, he shouldn't have gone up against him solo. he should've had some sort of back-up in place.
as ace is shackled there, he thinks back about things and feels like it's really unfair. this isn't how he wanted his life to end, there's so much more he wanted to see, wanted to do. there's so much more he wanted to do for whitebeard. there's so much more he wanted to talk about with luffy. he promised yamato that he'd be back for them.
and now? everything's getting cut short.
everything's happening all at once and ace can feel the cold hand of death even facing the heat of fire. how ironic, he thinks, to die this way. except, one second ace is kneeling for death and the next he's not and being tumbled out of the way by a smear of black and blue. he doesn't really know what's going on, just that it's loud and explosions are going off, there are clashes of metal against metal, and the last thing ace remembers for a while is seeing a pipe swing and crack sickeningly against a body just before he loses consciousness.
it's much later when he stirs and it's far quieter than things had been; it's dark and ace can't really tell where he is or what's going on. he feels heavy, his insides upset and churning. he blinks and rubs his eyes in a bid to focus more and he sees someone nearby. there's something so innate familiar about him to the point that ace is positive he actually died out there and this is some kind of weird afterlife where everything from the past is going to come back to haunt him. he clears his throat, sniffs, )
Uh...
( HELPFUL. )
no subject
content enough to put it aside for now and simply bask in the closeness, ace closes his eyes as he rests his head against sabo and continues to gently rub over the matching soulmate mark. he doesn't know why it makes him feel calm, but it does. part of him is convinced this isn't actually real and he's actually dead, but if he's dead and gets to spend that eternity with sabo, that's okay too. probably.
of course, there's many things he wishes he could've done, but. if he's dead, he's dead.
he lets a bit of time pass, simply basking in being this close to sabo and holding him and touching him and, well, smelling him. it's not weird, he promises. )
So, what now?
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at least that had been the intention up until ace brings up what they were going to do now. because wasn't that the question? sabo flinches just so before he pulls back to look at ace face-to-face. his eyes looking to the side and down before he actually meets his gaze. ]
...well, what do you want, Ace?
[ he really wants to kick himself for sounding as uncertain as he is, but it was hard for him to be confident with something like this. there were things that hadn't been addressed (but were certainly going to be addressed). ]
Even though we're soulmates, things are a bit different than when we were kids. [ sabo says softly and to put things very lightly. ] Whitebeard will probably recover from his injuries, and I have to return to the army.
[ and there was absolutely no way that sabo was going to entertain the idea of asking ace if he was going to bother picking between the two. he just went with the assumption that they were going to go their separate ways. ]
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it seems almost unfair that after all this time, after all that they've been through and just been through that they have to get involved in something so serious. maybe, if they were different people, things wouldn't be so hard. then again, if they were different people, they probably wouldn't be here.
ace's jaw clenches as he thinks about this, teeth grinding against one another at the unfairness. because deep in his heart he knows what's going to happen. he lifts his hand to cup sabo's cheek, his thumb brushing over the swell of it. his hand slips a little and his thumb swipes over the corner of his mouth. a soft sigh is exhaled and he gives a small smile. )
Guess I can't convince you to become a pirate, huh?
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I'm sorry. [ sabo gently apologizes and opens his eyes slowly. he brings a hand up to place on top of ace's. ] There are people who need help and a world that needs to be changed.
[ freedom was something that he spoke to in great lengths as a child. it was something the both of them talked about—how they'd stay together, sail together, go on adventures together. now, as an adult, it was what he wanted for others even if it denied him some level of freedom in doing so. a small sacrifice for an end that would impact the lives of so many more than he could imagine. unfortunately, it never felt suffocating until this moment right now.
sabo adjusts his placement on ace's hand to lace their fingers together and, allowing himself to simply act, lightly presses his lips against ace's knuckles in a brief kiss. ]
But I do want to be with you.
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his gaze falls to watch as sabo presses that kiss against his knuckles and has the strong urge to yank his hand away and replace it with his mouth. which should probably be something alarming, but it's not. it's just a want that slowly builds in his stomach, making it flip and swoop like he's some young innocent.
now, ace could give up being a pirate, but that's just not in him. not yet. there's still more he wants to see and do and knows that if he quit now, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. he's got a second chance at that now, so it seems like he should make the most of it... even if it means splitting from sabo again. not that he has to right away or anything, time still needs to be taken for recovery. not only for himself but whitebeard too — he thinks, he still needs to find out more information.
anyway.
leaning in again to press their foreheads together, he tilts slightly to bump their noses. lips parting on a soft breath he can feel the urge to close the small gap begin to take over, though he still resists for the moment. )
I want to be with you, too... but I can't quit yet. ( he sighs, his other hands grips sabo's shirt lightly. ) I want forever with you, Sabo.
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I wouldn't ask you to quit, Ace; being a pirate was the dream that we all had.
[ a dream that originally detailed how the two of them would already be traveling together doing whatever they wanted. the two of them as captains (with sabo doing a bit more of the heavy lifting in terms of navigation) as they ventured. just the two of them—two soulmates. soulmates didn't have to be romantic, and while sabo was without his memories, he had never considered getting involved with anyone let alone his soulmate.
yet, now, sabo's heart yearned for the possibility of being with ace forever. overcoming his self-consciousness, sabo closes the gap between the two of them with an apologetically soft kiss. it's a brush of lips that barely lasts for a moment before sabo realizes what he had done. ]
Umm... [ his face heats up. he had kissed ace's knuckles, too, hadn't he? why had he done that? (he knew why.) as the heat spreads further across his face and down his neck, sabo attempts to pull away from ace—placing his hands on ace's shoulders and taking a step back. ] I—
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except, it's over before it's really begun and ace isn't too happy about that. it's like that tender kiss unlocked something in him and things make a little more sense to him, become a little clearer. he's exceptionally happy that sabo bridged that gap — it makes him feel like they're on the same page.
which means he has to stave off the freakout he can see coming. )
Hey... ( ace follows so the space between them doesn't grow wider. his hands move, both placed on either side of sabo's face; firm but gentle. ) Come on; I thought you were dead and you forgot me, all in a decade. I think we can do a little better than that, huh?
( nothing else really matters; they'll figure things out from here, ace knows they will. even if it's a hard decision to make, they'll still have each other there, waiting.
that's why — if sabo lets him — ace will move in for a proper kiss this time, one that speaks of all the affection and hope and even all the grief he's carried with him over the years. he's got sabo now, he's not going to let this opportunity slip through his fingers. )
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fortunately, there's little resistance from sabo as ace comes back to kiss him properly. sabo only manages to give ace a slightly confused look before accepting the kiss and the tension in his arms go slack. for everything that they shared as children, and there was plenty, this was not one of them. as if two wild boys would fully understand what a kiss could mean. yet, despite the things that would benefit from being explicitly said, it was easy for sabo to share in the feelings and reciprocate them as he kisses ace back.
the kisses unlock the path for something else, but sabo doesn't want to have things get too carried away from the start and will break away eventually. his voice is a bit breathy despite the quip. ]
...I think there's room for practice.
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it's why he makes a sound akin to a whine when sabo pulls away. it was just getting good! honestly, that's so rude of him!!
but, ace will count it as a victory because he can hear that breathlessness in sabo's tone. whatever small victory, he'll take. his tongue darts out to wet his lips, chasing the taste of sabo there and wanting more. he wonders if that's because of the soulmate thing or just a young and horny thing. maybe both?
probably both. )
Why'd you stop then, huh?
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especially considering how sabo's eyes were focused on ace's lips and following ace's tongue causing him to do the same but far more subtly. however, as that might be, it doesn't change how sabo makes it a point to keep his mind focused on the reason why he had pulled away as opposed to going with the immediate thought of conveniently "forgetting" as to why. a true test of will, honestly. ]
You're okay with this?
[ the two of them kissing and everything else that was inevitably going to happen. ]
The last time we were face-to-face was when we were kids. Though... [ sabo purposefully not saying it was the last time that they'd seen one another given it was ace's execution announcement and wanted poster was that triggered his memory to return. and as sabo draws out his following comment, he takes ace's left hand and with the other he caresses ace's face and smooths back his fringe. ] Of the two of us, you haven't changed too much.
[ sabo's teasing remark punctuated with him placing a feather-light kiss on the small spade on ace's wrist. look, sabo is fully aware of how different he looks as an adult. ]
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funny how that works.
a full-body shiver shakes through him as sabo kisses the mark and ace doesn't know if it's because of the mark itself or if it's just because it's sabo doing this or some other mystical soulmate-y reason. not that it really matters. his lips part on a soft breath and he just stares at him silently for a moment, then another. )
You're still Sabo.
( it rolls off his tongue easily because it's true. soulmate or not, this is still sabo standing in front of him after all this time. scars may decorate his body in ways he never expected or wanted, but to ace they're just proof of his being alive. the package may be slightly different, but the inside is still him. so, he gives an impish sort of smile as he gives a little squeeze to sabo's hip. )
I'm okay with it. ( it feels right to him. it might be the soulmate thing influencing him, but ace is pretty sure he felt this was inevitable before the marks even showed up. ) Are you?
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moreover the squeeze of his hip and the smile on face's face brought more color to sabo's face as it reinforced and confirmed the nature of "want" that they were speaking to as well. oh how they both grew up in different but similar ways. ]
Yeah. [ sabo says in a low voice as he brings their faces together—their lips just barely touching as he says one more thing. a very important thing to make clear despite of where things go from here on out and where the end up. ] As long as it's with you then I'm fine with anything. Just don't end up hurting yourself.
[ it still might not be the exact words that sabo wanted to say himself nor was this resolving all parts of what they were going to do next, but it's fine. it doesn't change the message or the meaning, and the mark on their wrists tied them together in ways that didn't for other people. there would be time to say those words later as well as figure out the logistics that they brushed up against.
for now, sabo will eliminate that final space between them and press his lips against ace's for a kiss that's significantly more confident that the first one. and one that he doesn't intend to interrupt any further as he loops his arms around ace's neck. ]